For Immediate Release: Dublin, CA

Doctors in Northern California have released results of a recent study showing that people who are addicted to bass fishing have malformed brains. According to the recently released findings, the thought of fishing, particularly big bass fishing occupies progressively larger portions of the brain over time.

By the age of 14 affected patients begin to exhibit signs of decreased ability to perform day-to-day activities such as working, paying attention, and remembering to tie their shoes in the morning. Additional symptoms may include staring out the window, tinkering with fishing tackle, and insomnia.

In severe cases some patients when presented with exciting bass fishing information such as photos of large bass from a nearby lake or a particularly exciting new fishing product became further debilitated to the point of near despondency. They may pace back and forth, or rock to and fro in their chair while mumbling strange words like chatterbait.

The only temporary treatment for this condition seems to be reading fishing websites, text messaging about fishing, or comparing notes on the phone with other fishermen.

Thankfully for the patients a partial cure lasting up to 24 hours can be achieved by going fishing. If they catch a large bass (or at least solid numbers) the treatment may be effective up to 3 days. There is no known permanent cure.